


Until There Was Nothing Here

by Delia_Sky



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: M/M, Minor Character Death, Minor Depiction of Child Abuse, its happy ending no worry, minor depiction of domestic violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-20
Updated: 2019-03-20
Packaged: 2019-11-26 03:50:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18175460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Delia_Sky/pseuds/Delia_Sky
Summary: Jooheon waited until there was nothing for him here. But maybe there was Hyungwon. There was always Hyungwon. Even after years of the boy moving out of the ghost town that was never willing to let him go.





	Until There Was Nothing Here

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Songs on the Radio](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17410475) by [Blanquette](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blanquette/pseuds/Blanquette). 



> hi and hello and welcome. hope you enjoy this.
> 
> Also, this fic is partly inspired by this amazing story by Blanquette called 'Songs on the Radio' in case you havent noticed
> 
> cuz you know, jooheon and hyungwon running around in vehicle is just *clenches fist*
> 
> and this actually make me feel bad because i actually havent had the chance to shower 'Songs on the Radio' with the love it deserves.
> 
> anyway, enjoy~

The wind in his hair and the setting sun on the horizon.

Jooheon loved it here, straddling the backseat of his beaten down bicycle back-to-back with Minhyuk who groaned in agony while pedaling the vehicle up the slope. “Switch with meee!” he cried in-between pained gasps and wheezes.

“It’s your fault you suck at rock-paper-scissor, so no!”

“Ah, please, come on! Legs… dying… you’re so heavy! Do it for this hyung!”

“Minhyukkie-hyung, fighting!” he replied, laughing all the way to the top of the hill. Minhyuk was weak against that. Minhyuk was weak against _him_. Even when he lost at the rock-paper-scissor before climbing the road, Minhyuk would switch with him when he asked. Because he is like that little brother Minhyuk never had and Minhyuk was like the fun big brother everyone wanted to have. Not the cool one, though, because that would be Hoseok. He worked out with barbells.

“Aaargh! Minhyukkie, fighting!” the older boy repeated to cheer himself, half screaming and half groaning until they reach the top.

The top of the slope was really just that; an asphalt road on an empty grassland before the plane dips into a cliff above the sea with railing spanning all the way to the shore. The view was nice and one of the little accomplishment of making it to the top.

There was already someone on the sitting on the rail. The boy, skinny but with chubby cheeks, just came to town around two weeks ago and Jooheon dragged him out with his bike here. Well, to the bottom of the slope before the boy outran Minhyuk with his bike. “It’s nice, right?” he asked, smiling and showing off his dimples because that always worked.

“It’s alright. Much better than buildings.”

Not as good an answer as Jooheon would’ve liked it to be, but it could be worse. He wouldn’t hold it against the boy. This was a ghost town after all, with only one train rail and one bus station and there was nothing much to do here. “Should come here in summer. It’s really great.”

Their new friend, Hyungwon, fidgeted with the hem of his broken white sweater. Broken white was a boring color but it looks so fitting on the him, Jooheon thought. “What about tomorrow?”

“Yeah?”

“Are you going to take me here again tomorrow?”

“For sure!”

Hyungwon smiled and it was the biggest smile he’d seen on the chubby face in two weeks.

* * *

“Aaargh! Minhyukkie, fighting!” the older boy repeated to cheer himself, half screaming and half groaning until they reach the top.

The top of the slope was really just that; an asphalt road on an empty grassland before the plane dips into a cliff above the sea with railing spanning all the way to the shore. The view was nice and one of the little accomplishment of making it to the top.

“Where’s… Hyungwonnie?”

“Ay, still at third-way up.”

But Minhyuk was too tired and Jooheon was feeling mischievous, so they only waited until the skinny boy with chubby cheeks caught up to them, breaths in rags and drenched in sweat. “What took you so long?”

“Bike… the bike… ‘s really heavy…”

It didn’t take a genius to tell that Hyungwon’s family was a little better-off than most in this town from his school backpack to his shoes but if being well-off means having heavy bike, then Jooheon wouldn’t miss it.

“Your Mom bought you a new one?”

“No, it was my Dad’s, I think? Found it in the back of the shed.”

Then Minhyuk laughed, crisp and clear in the summer air. “Yah, Hyungwon! Your bike have multiple gears settings, you shouldn’t use high gears when climbing up.”

“I thought it was the same with my old one,” Hyungwon says, as if he’s been wronged.

“Wanna switch bike? Jooheon’s doesn’t have all the fancy gears.”

“Sure.”

Jooheon slapped Hyungwon’s branch-like arm, trying to feed some sense into him. “Mine’s really old.”

“But I don’t have to change gears or anything. My brain is too slow for that.” The boy grimaced while rubbing his arm, even though Jooheon was sure he didn’t hit that hard. “Besides, it’s my Dad’s. No one will miss it. Mom probably brought it along just in case.” There was a distance in Hyungwon’s eyes when he mentioned his dad, but the other two knew better than to comment on it.

“All yours, then.”

Even with switched bike, they were still them. Nothing had changed. Still three boys riding bicycles too tall for them to the top of the slope.

* * *

Hyungwon’s mom was a nice lady. And pretty too. She had lips like Hyungwon’s, and nose like those ladies in make-up flyers. Also, she looks like she could be on the pages of those fashion magazines.

“She was, before she had my little brother. She played a minor part in drama too. It wasn't popular though.”

“Oh.”

Jooheon and Minhyuk liked hanging out at Hyungwon’s, the place was like a safe haven. His mom would give them snacks and box juices and let them watch drama on the wide TV, Hyungwon’s little brother was one cute angel and he didn’t mind three loud older boy pinching his soft, soft cheeks. Jooheon never asked where his dad, though.

Hyungwon’s parents were divorced. He knew that much from the shushed chatters among the housewives and grandmothers. He’d figured.

He wished his parents would too. Then like Hyungwon’s mom, his would take him far, far away from this ghost town where you either knew everyone or everyone knew you.

_“Your father is a sweet person, darling. It’s the alcohol,” his mom said once in a while. “He wasn’t always like this, sweetheart.”_

_But maybe if he was such a nice guy inside, he would’ve known how much the alcohol was hurting his family. He watched as his mother grew thinner and his father drunker._

Maybe that was how he and Hyungwon became the ‘less unfortunate duo’. When he walked around the town with the other boy, the mothers and grandmothers would feel sorry for them and hand them some candies. Hyungwon didn’t seem flustered every time it happened, the boy shyly refused a few time before relenting to take the sweets while bowing respectfully, his gesture was almost formulaic.

Then the shushed chatters would continue after they thought the boys couldn’t hear them. About that woman with surname Lee who must’ve been so lacking that her husband seek solace in alcohol and that Chae lady who smelled like scandals and too expensive perfume with maybe too much idea in her head that her husband divorced her.

“You don’t have to accept it, you know. It’s not like they’re there when you need them most.” He would’ve known. No one came to his mom when she screams, no one tried to stop his dad when he drank. But afterwards, they would cheer him up, patted him in the back for being strong as if the bruises would heal themselves that way. So, yeah, he would’ve known. And Hyungwon too, apparently.

“They need to feel like they’re being charitable and I like free candies, so it works out.”

“You’re not mad? I mean, I do.”

“It doesn’t feel like anything after a while. For me at least. If you don’t like it, you can refuse and I’ll take all the candies, and when you want some, you don’t have to be angry because they’re from me.” Then Hyungwon popped three piece of orange Mentos into his mouth at once.

“You seem to like the orange ones.”

“No, I eat them first because citrus flavored candies taste like dish soap and I don’t want the taste to stay.”

He stretched out his hand. “Gimme. I’ll eat the orange ones for you from now on.”

“You like them?”

“Hate them.”

“Then don’t.’

“Just gimme the grape ones too. It’s my favorite flavor.”

Hyungwon’s smile eased up the clog in his throat. “We’ll share the orange ones and you can have all the grape candies. Alright?”

“Yeah, that would be nice.”

* * *

Seasons changed, years passed, and the he still rode to watch the sea from the top of the slope. Well, sit on the backseat while Minhyuk or Hyungwon rode the bike to watch the sea from the top of the slope.

Sometimes Minhyuk’s cool older brother joined them, sometimes it was just the two youngest. And he would talk maybe a bit too much, and Hyungwon would talk a bit too little. Though, no matter how much Hyungwon talked, it was as if he could never hear enough.

“Dream?”

“Yup. Dream. Is it too cheesy for you?”

“No,” he replies, staring at Hyungwon by his side playing with a wire puzzle. “My dream, huh… I guess, one is to go far away from here?”

He heard the clinking sound halted. “What’s stopping you then?” Hyungwon’s doe eyes stared back at him.

“Y’know. Things.”

“I guess so.” Hyungwon shoved the wire puzzle into his pocket. “Things,” the boy repeated. Somehow the skinny boy looks a little out of it today.

Realistically speaking, of course there were a lot of things that kept him here. School, friends, his mom, Minhyuk, Hoseok, Minhyuk, his mom, Hoseok, his mom…

Hyungwon.

Weirdly enough, this scene in front of them wasn’t one of them. Maybe he just liked being away from home. Or maybe he just liked being with his friends. “What’s your dream then, Hyungwon?”

“I dunno. Go to college maybe? Get a job. Live an easy life. I’m fourteen, what do I know?”

“Sounds very like you.” He didn’t miss Hyungwon’s tight smile, but he kept it to himself.

* * *

That night, he woke up in fright. There were screams and bottles shattering. And he heard heavy footsteps nearing his room and the sound of some something dragging across the wooden floor. He heard his mom’s pleas and his father’s shouts.

He heard the sliding door slammed open and the rattling in his skull and the ringing in his head, the rushing of his blood in his ears.

He heard Mr. and Mrs. Lee banging on the door and he heard the blurring sound of everything happening before his eyes.

Mrs. Lee took him and his mom to Hyungwon’s upon Minhyuk’s advice. A familiar place where they were far enough from his father. Hyungwon’s mom heated up some tea and gave him an unopened pack of frozen chicken nuggets to put over his cheek before ushering him upstairs to sleep in Hyungwon’s room.

And here they were, on Hyungwon’s bed, staring at the ceiling with Hyungwon ready to fall asleep again at any time.

“If I fall asleep and you still want the company, just shake me awake.”

“You love sleeping, I can’t do that.”

“Right now I love you more than sleep, so keep that for when I love sleep more than you.” Then he rummaged through the nightstand’s drawer before dumping a whole bunch of candies to Jooheon.

“They’re all grapes.”

“No orange for you today. You can have just your favorite.”

“Thanks.”

And both became silent once more before Hyungwon opened his mouth again. “I’ll leave my window unlocked so you can come here anytime it gets bad. That’s all I can do for now, though.”

There was something in Hyungwon’s drowsy voice that calmed him down. Enough to get through the night.

* * *

“Jooheonnie.”

“Hmm?”

“If I’m leaving this town, what would you say?”

Jooheon turned to Hyungwon. The sunset painted them red and Hyungwon looked nice like that. “I’ll say my goodbye and that I’ll miss you.”

Then Hyungwon stared at him, doe eyed and ready to cry but not at all like he hadn’t expected that answer. “You’re supposed to ask me to stay.”

“You watch too much drama, Hyungwonnie.”

“Or tell me you’ll come with me.”

They stays silent for a bit before he broke it. “When is it?”

“Next week.”

Hyungwon reached for his hand and squeezed it tight, along with his heart. “I can’t ask you to stay or come with you. That’s waaay too unrealistic.” He wished for it not to be, though. Then he squeezed Hyungwon’s hand back. “You have to be realistic,” he said, but didn’t know to whom.

A peck landed on his cheek, right on his dimple, Hyungwon’s head weighed tons on his shoulder and sigh weighed the world in his heart. “I’m fifteen. What do I know?”

“Sounds just like you.”

* * *

A week passed in a flash and now he stood on Hyungwon’s lawn along with Minhyuk and a crying Hoseok spouting his grown-up wisdom. “Be well, don’t get mixed up with the wrong crowd, don’t sleep in class, ugh,” it was cut by a sob that didn’t seem to have an end.

“I will, thank you Hoseokkie-hyung.”

Then Minhyuk gave Hyungwon a crushing hug, enough to make the younger flinch. “I’m gonna miss you so much, Hyungwonnie.”

“I’ll miss you so much too, Minhyukkie-hyung, but please, I need to breathe.”

Minhyuk reluctantly let him go before pushing the youngest of the bunch to Hyungwon.

“Bye, I’ll miss you,” Jooheon said.

Hyungwon pushed a bag of candies to his chest. “There are fifteen orange ones along with the grapes. It’s all for you because I’m still mad.”

He laughed at that. “I’ll eat them all for you.”

Then Hyungwon hugged him. “I’ll miss you. Be well.”

He hugged Hyungwon back, his eyes started stinging. “I’ll always be here, you know. I won’t leave this town.”

And the last words Hyungwon left him was; “What’s stopping you?”

* * *

One spring afternoon, Jooheon went to wake up his mom from nap but she didn’t wake up.

She never does.

He was sixteen. And now he knew death.

* * *

“Come with us,” Minhyuk insisted. They were moving away. This ghost town didn’t have what they need anymore.

“I can’t,” he replied. He thought with his mom’s passing he would have one less thing keeping him here, but he was wrong.

“Please, it will be safe. It will be fine.”

Over the time, he was becoming _her._ “I have Dad to take care of, Minhyukkie-hyung. He is a good person despite everything. It’s the alcohol.”

It scared him.

Now there was memory of his mom keeping him here, and the man she loved holding him back.

And he stayed, even when there shouldn’t have been anything that kept him here anymore.

_“What’s stopping you?”_

He didn’t even know anymore.

* * *

“Dad, where’s my bike?”

“Sold it,” his father slurred in his drunken stupor, “Need the money.”

When he reached the top of the slope by feet to scream his lungs out, it was already dark.

* * *

He wondered what had all his apathy wilted because when he needed it most to cope with what was happening, it decided to just vanish from his heart. And it hurt, seeing his father kneeling before him, crying and apologizing when he was sober enough to actually face his son.

“It doesn’t matter,” he said. Nothing mattered. Crying wouldn’t give him his bike back, wouldn’t give him his hard-earned money back from the bar, crying wouldn’t fix the phone—sadly lying in pieces somewhere in the dumpster because the ringing hurt his drunk father’s ears. It wouldn’t bring back Minhyuk’s monthly calls, wouldn’t bring back the numbers he forgot to write somewhere because he was so sure there would always be next phone calls.

Crying wouldn’t bring his mom back.

Crying wouldn’t solve shit.

“It’s alright, Dad, everything’s fine.”

Somewhere, his apathy grew lush and green again, but it was not in the place he would’ve liked it to be.

* * *

He learned to live with it. Home when his father was sober and hiding when he wasn’t. It wasn’t rocket science hard. It would end. His father had promised to stop.

It was the alcohol. It wasn’t his father’s fault.

At least even after he left, Hyungwon still kept the promise of leaving the window to his former room unlocked. There was nothing left there but old mattress covered in dusty vinyl cover, but if he tried hard enough, he could still hear Hyungwon’s drowsy voice, calming him enough to get through the night.

* * *

The highlight of his eighteenth birthday was when one of the old fishermen gave him an old cellphone, a Nokia with yellow pixelated screen. “It still works, despite everything,” the man said, before moving into town to live with his grandchildren.

When he finally dared to dial a number, hoping it wouldn’t end up as either wrong number or dead number, it connected.  _'Please let me be right, please let me be right, please, please, please...'_  

On the other end, a sleepy voice rang. “H’llo? Who’s it?”

It was so familiar and calming and he had to use every ounce of his self-control to stop himself from crying then and there.

“Minhyukkie-hyung, It’s Jooheon.”

He had never been happier hearing the infamous dolphin screech.

* * *

The daunting steps effectively roused him out of sleep. He realized he’d made a mistake by staying home instead of out. Or was it his father’s? The man did promised he wouldn’t drink today.

“Jooheon!”

He flinched, his chest was tight, and his breaths came in rags. He needed to get out of here.

Jooheon jumped out the window in time as the locked sliding door rattles incessantly. He ran away then. Far, as far as his legs could possibly take him. Then he laid in wait until it was near dawn to crawl back to the place he was supposed to call home.

“Dad…?’ he croaked, the sound of his own knuckles knocking against the door felt like wooden stick against his skull. “Dad, are you sober now?”

He was twenty two and he still felt like a boy asking his parents to check his wardrobe for monster. Only the monster wasn’t inside his wardrobe.

When he steeled himself for the worst and pushed open the unlocked door, he saw his father laying still at the porch. He didn’t know what to do but to touch his father, tried to wake him up then check for pulse because that was what people did in drama and he didn’t know anything else.

There was no pulse.

The trip to the hospital was only for the sake of formalities. Heart attack, the doctor said, didn’t seem surprised, along with late stage hepatic cirrhosis.

He felt somehow relieved and guilty at the same time. Guilty because how could he felt relieved by his parent's death?

Then he called Minhyuk, with his sad battered up old phone with yellow screen. He spilled everything.

* * *

At the funeral, among the people praying and not so much people crying, he thought how there was nothing for him here anymore.

But then he had to take walk to clear his mind and saw that one house that used to be his safe haven and he started having doubt.

Maybe at this point, he was just searching for reason to stay where he buried his mother’s ashes, or maybe all this time he was searching reason to stay so he could see Hyungwon again.

_“What’s stopping you?”_

There should’ve been nothing, but maybe he was just a little too hopeful.

He wanted to shed tears for the father he never had, but then when his tears did fall for a second, it was from the part of him that was sure he’d never get to see Hyungwon again. He walked back to his house. He should prepare that one rolled mattress because Minhyuk and Hoseok would be in town tonight.

Then he saw a figure, with an unfamiliar shoulder and unfamiliar pink hair, yet weirdly familiar presence, hunching over and trembling while crying. Even he didn’t cry that much.

“Hey,” he called and when the stranger turned his head towards Jooheon, he could feel everything fell into its place. Then he felt two slender arms wrapped themselves around him, close, so close and so warm and he didn’t want to cry, but a drop of salty liquid escaped his eye nonetheless.

“Jooheon… Jooheon, I’m sorry it took so long… don’t leave yet, please…”

And he did nothing but hugged back and held himself from grinning ear to ear—it was a funeral after all. “No, I’m here, Hyungwon. I’m still here.”

* * *

“You still have the bike we switched?”

“Nah, got sold for alcohol money, still have the one you left though, the one originally mine.”

Then there they were, riding an old, creaky bike up the slope that held so many memories. Only, Jooheon was a little unfamiliar with the view he was seeing because he was so used to sitting on the back facing the wrong way.

“Am I heavy?”

“Boy, what’cha eating back in the big ol’ city? You weigh like feather.” Except it was a lie. Hyungwon’s head weighed tons against his back and his laughs weighed the world on his heart.

“You know, assorted candies without the orange ones because now I somehow have actual adult money to buy them. Also, chips.”

“Eat something healthy.”

“I’m twenty two, what do I know?”

“Things you should and shouldn’t eat because that’s how you get indigestion!”

They nearly toppled down because Hyungwon was laughing so much it shook the bike. Or maybe, the laugh was what made his hands trembled and lost control of the bike. It didn’t matter, what mattered was that they reached the top safe and sound without scratch despite the little turbulence.

The railing was a little rusty from lack of maintenance, but they sat on it anyway. The sun setting was a blur of red and orange obscured by the autumn clouds.

“I’m sorry it took so long,” Hyungwon sighed before leaning against his shoulder. Bony hand soon found his hand and squeezed tight, along with his heart. Jooheon squeezed back. “I left for so long and finally had the courage to come here and I saw your father’s funeral.”

“Yeah, you were crying a river. What’s up with that?”

“I thought… I thought you already left because he was gone.”

He shifted a little. “I would’ve stayed, you know. Because I promised you.”

“I wanted to ask what was stopping you but then again, I am kinda the reason. Sorry.”

“If it makes you feel any better, you were only part of the reason. The other was… I thought I could salvage some memories, you know, of a father. Or maybe stay for Mom’s memory.”

“I thought I didn't see her. So she really did…?”

“Yeah. Loved Dad even until the end. It scares me a little.”

“What does?”

“The way she loved. It scares me. She never got to escape.”

Hyungwon stared at him then, and his shoulder felt a little too empty, but now he realized the details on the other's face he didn't pick up earlier; the previously chubby cheeks had slimmed down, the plump lips and the loopy nose stayed the same, eyebrows growing a little wild, there were piercings on both of his ears. He then realized he loved them all the same. “You remember about your dream? One you told me here?” the taller said.

“Ah.” How could’ve he forgotten? “Yeah.”

“Let’s escape, then. I’ll take you far, far away from here. Just the two of us.”

They had a staredown for a moment. “Are you asking me to elope with you?”

“Did it sound like it?”

“Yeah.”

Hyungwon's voice was softer and slower this time; “Do you want it to be?”

“…yeah.”

“Then, yeah, I’m asking you to elope with me.”

He laughed. Free and unrestrained. There was really nothing for him here anymore. “Yeah,” he finally resurrected his last three brain cells to form words, “Yeah, let’s elope.”

Hyungwon then laughed too, loud and crisp in the cold autumn air.

Although, that night Minhyuk shot down the idea. “No! No eloping! I’m gonna be lonely! Take me with you!”

“You had that coming, Hyungwon-ah, we’re a set. Take one take all,” Hoseok said, still cool as ever and ripped more than ever.

So, no. No eloping, Hyungwon said, “But let’s get Jooheon out of this town and we'll go somewhere together. Three of you, and I’ll take three of my friends.”

“Why?”

“We need Hyunwoo-hyung to be the group dad, Kihyunnie so we won’t die of starvation or buried under our mess—whichever comes first, and Changkyun because we need a puppy.”

“Seven of us then? We can make a band for a living.” That earned Minhyuk a laugh and an amen.

* * *

The purchase for his house was finalized a little sooner than he expected. He never thought there was anyone who still wanted to move to that town, but that was not his problem anymore. He had everything he owned in boxes. There wasn’t much, but it didn’t bother him. All he had to do now was wait for Hyungwon to pick him up with his car, which was three days later.

The loading of his stuffs didn’t take long, and in a while they hit the road. “So, apparently, Mom said it’s not eloping if I told her about it and if we’re bringing five others with us, then she told me to take you home for holidays. Also, Kyungwon said hello.”

“Ah, I missed the little guy.”

“He’s bigger than me now. Shorter still, but bigger. Just go through my phone, I have his picture. Also, tell Minhyukkie-hyung to stop distracting me with chat notifs, I’m driving.”

Jooheon did all that. And while he did, Hyungwon took a roundabout trip to their beloved cliff for one last time, and even in the confinement of the car, the sky and the sea looked so vast. “Want to kiss?” Jooheon with a smile featuring his prided dimples and Hyungwon was weak against that.

So, as simple as that, they kissed, lips against lips and exchanging held breaths.

“I’m still gonna say we’re eloping, if anyone asks,” Jooheon said at the end of their kiss. Hyungwon gave him an agreeing hum before stepping on the pedal, leaving behind the ghost town that was finally letting him go.

There was nothing for him here anymore, nothing to keep him and nothing to hold him.

There were just him, Hyungwon, and their memory of the sea view from the top of the slope.

.

.

And also furious spamming of keysmash from Minhyuk on Hyungwon’s phone.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for stopping by, i hope that entertains you~ mwah mwah


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